How to know if getting back with your ex is a good idea, according to a therapist
- If you're unsure whether it's worth it to rekindle your romance, there are ways you can tell, says a therapist.
- Discuss how you've grown since your breakup and address the reasons you broke up.
- Consider whether you want your ex back for comfort, or if they add something to your life you can't find anywhere else.
"Sex and the City" spinoff "And Just Like That..." returns for its second season on Thursday, and fans are already buzzing about Carrie Bradshaw and Aidan Shaw reigniting their romance.
In the original 1998 series, Carrie dates furniture designer Aidan. Ultimately, their relationship ends when Carrie cheats on Aidan with Mr. Big, who she ends up marrying and being with until his untimely death during the first season of "And Just Like That..."
But Carrie and Aidan could have a second shot at love, according to written reports and on-set photographs of the series' second season.
According to an August 2022 report from Deadline, Carrie and Aidan reunite. And photos taken during wintertime filming show Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie) and John Corbett (Aidan Shaw) sharing smiles and a kiss while on set.
The news of their reunion is exciting, for Aidan fans especially. But how can someone really tell if it's worth pursuing an old flame?
If you're considering getting back together with an ex, you should reflect on what will be different moving forward before you jump back in, according to Mark Williams, a licensed therapist who works with the relationship-coaching app Relish.
He said healthy reconciliation depends on whether you and your ex have individually worked through the problems that led to your relationship dissolution in the first place.
"If you're going to try to get back to the relationship, the obvious question is: Why didn't it work the first time?" Williams told Insider.
You and your ex have to address your previous relationship issues if you want a chance to make things work
If you don't want to fall into the same relationship problems you did the first time around, Williams said you and your ex have to have an honest discussion about what went wrong, and explain how each of you worked to better yourselves since the split to prevent recurring problems.
Williams said couples who fight or end things often have differing communication styles, and never learn how to talk to each other in a healthy way.
"In many cases when you start looking at it, it's like [each partner is] trying to win the argument and neither one is listening to the other, or trying to understand, or come to some resolution, because they're both so invested in their own side," he said.
Previous infidelity, addiction problems, and feelings of jealousy and resentment are other issues exes who are reconsidering their relationship should consider before getting back together, Williams said.
"If two people love each other and they both are committed to making things work, to changing, or working on their own individual issues, there's a good chance that they could work things out, but each person, I believe, has to take responsibility for whatever their part was," in the initial breakup, Williams said.
Make sure you want to get back together because your ex adds something special to your life, not because of loneliness
Often, people rekindle things with an ex because it's comfortable, Williams said.
If you're considering getting back together with yours, he said it's important to understand your personal motivations for doing so.
"Sometimes it's hard to date, and you think you're comfortable with that person, or maybe it's easier to get back with that person than to try something new," Williams said.
That's why you have to ask yourself whether you fall into that category, or if your ex provided something special that you don't want to lose.
If you aren't sure how to figure out this distinction yourself, Williams said speaking with a third party can help you gain clarity.
"It could be helpful to talk to friends and family sometimes. They may see things that you may not see," Williams said, adding that chatting with a therapist is another option.
Watch: 31 activities to keep you busy during quarantine
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7o8HSoqWeq6Oeu7S1w56pZ5ufonypu9Zmq6hllJqwqrDEZquoZZeawW6uwJyiZq%2BZqbVusddmq6Gdopa9qr%2FTZpidrpmYsm5%2Bj2tnZm0%3D